Issue # 27

July 2007

Message from Lon

As I told you last month, I’ve been working on my "elevator pitch".  Essentially, working out how to tell someone what I do in twenty-seconds or less (as if we were in an elevator, and I had only two floors to tell you the basics about what I do.)  It started coming easier once I was able to put in to words what it is that I’m really good at and what makes me stand out as a successful humor-based speaker and consultant of common sense: I excel at applying theory-based management techniques, and relating them to everyone; what I actually provide when I speak is Mood Therapy for the Masses by speaking to individuals within large groups.

It is estimated that 10% of the population, or 21-million people suffer from depression on an annual basis. My lecture series, "Get Out of Bed and Go to Work" is designed to not only EnterTrain groups on issues of personal and management techniques, it is also designed to help individuals increase their self-awareness and about how they can think themselves into AND OUT OF depression.

Thanks again for joining me on this journey of self-discovery!

And one more thing…

As I promised, revisions are being made to the newsletter, and I'm happy to announce that you can now read past issues on my website!  Each month, after you receive the newsletter in your Inbox, we'll also place it on the Archive Page on my website so that you can find it easily again. 

Check it out:  http://www.lonkieffer.com/Newsletter_Archives.html

(And while you’re there, send me an email and let me know what you think.  As with all works in progress, feedback is invaluable!)

Stay tuned... More new and exciting things are coming soon!

~~Lon

This month's feature highlights some of the principles found in my new Keynote:

"Lon Kieffer, Male NURSE!?"

The Top Ten Ways We Keep Ourselves from

Achieving Our Own Goals!

SHOULD STATEMENTS

… How we build or destroy our own confidence levels has a direct correlation to how much and at what level we achieve our goals.  Self-confidence and self-motivation are key words in the lexicon of today.  We tend to be a “do it yourself” society.  Just go to Lowe’s or Home Depot when they offer the “do it yourself” training and you’ll see what I mean.  I talk about this in my live “Get Out of Bed and Go To Work!” engagements and how a desire for a similar sense of accomplishment drove me to become a speaker.   I like to walk around the house and say to people; ‘I did it myself’ that is until I hear them say, “Yeah, we can tell.”

One negative bi-product associated with “do it yourself” behavior is less noticeable, yet far more destructive than a bad paint job in the dining room, is a recognizable and well-intentioned method of self-motivation.  I am talking about SHOULD STATEMENTS; where we motivate ourselves by saying, “I should do this” or “I must do that.”  These statements cause you to feel pressured and resentful.

Keep this little riddle in mind:

Whenever I say, “SHOULD,” I really mean I WOULD if only I COULD

While thinking I CAN’T, which means that I WON’T, and so I DON’T

Now, if I simply did the things that I SHOULD instead I’d say “I’M DONE!”

Meaning that really I COULD so why say, “SHOULD” when I could be DONE?

Said another way by Vincent Van Gogh ~~“If you hear a voice within you say, “you can not paint,” then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.”

Instead we say, “I SHOULD eat better; I SHOULD clean the house; I SHOULD go back to school.  We say these things as if we need to whip ourselves into action.  As if we would NEVER do anything good or positive without first punishing ourselves.  Thus, you cannot win!  Even if you do the thing you SHOULD do, your accomplishment and self-confidence are diminished by the negative emotions experienced when you use SHOULD STATEMENTS as a source of motivation.  Frankly, this is a SHOULDY ATTITUDE! (Say it out loud!— ;)

SHOULD STATEMENTS generate emotional turmoil.  When the reality of your own behavior falls short of your standards, your SHOULDS and SHOULDN’TS create self-loathing, shame, and guilt.  This is the lose-lose, "damned if you do, damned if you don’t" byproduct of SHOULD STATEMENTS.  

I believe that anyone with a SHOULDY ATTITUDE is asking to be SASSed Back in order to turn his or her attitude around.  Thus, my technique for a SHOULDY ATTITUDE is the SASS BACK method-- where whatever the argument is, you argue the opposite.  SASS stands for putting:  SHOULDN’T AGAINST SHOULD STATEMENTS.  Here is how SASS works.  Whenever someone makes a SHOULD STATEMENT you challenge this with a SHOULD NOT statement.  Remember when you were a kid and you played the WHY – WHY NOT game where whenever someone said, “WHY?” you answered “WHY NOT?”  It’s the same way.  Eventually the SHOULD falls away because the SHOULD NOT is just as good an argument.  In the end, if SHOULD and SHOULD NOT are the same then you are free to do whatever you want without guilt or remorse.

Read this dialogue to see what I mean.

“I SHOULD go for a run tonight!” said my friend Jim with a strong negative tone.

“No.  You SHOULD NOT run tonight!” I said as my SASSy-Bad self!

Jim:  “I SHOULD!”

Me: “You SHOULD NOT!  According to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, on average, 5000 pedestrians per year are killed in motor vehicle accidents; a good many of them while jogging.”

Jim:  “Yeah, but I need to lose weight and improve my cardiovascular health.”

Me:  “You ARE NOT going to lose weight and improve your health in one night.  If you’ve never run before, tonight won’t make a difference; if you run regularly, missing tonight won’t make a difference.  ONE RUN won’t make a difference so why beat yourself up?”

Jim:  “But I WANT to go for a run!”

Me:  “Then by all means, have fun, take a run.  Let me know when you are done!”

Dr. Burns (see Reading Recommendations) does the same thing when he argues; “You SHOULD have eaten the ice-cream” in response to a self-mutilating “I SHOULD NOT have eaten that ice-cream” statement made during a session with one of his dieting patients.  I use this running scenario intentionally.  In my keynote “Get Out of Bed and Go to Work!” step one of the “How To Manual” is that; “you must know what time it is!” because every day we wake up and start running on the treadmill of life.  Without building awareness of where we are and where we are going we are destined to run as we FLEE FAILURE rather than SEEK SUCCESS!  Run as celebration, not as a punishment or avoidance; and keep your eyes on the road lest you get hit by a car!

 A quick note on “MUST STATEMENTS” made by others.  MUST is much more forceful than SHOULD because it is usually coming from an external source such as a manager or supervisor to motivate others.  MUST statements put an undue sense of urgency on things (I talk about this in my keynote; see the slide excerpt:  “Some Day we are going to die!”); this is primarily a form of expressing anxiety NOT a tool toward accomplishing objectives. 

Albert Ellis, Ph.D., (see this month's Famous Quotes) refers to this as MUSTerbation.  This makes only one person feel better; everyone else feels worse and little is accomplished.  Keep in mind that those using this management technique are in pain….  I SHOULD write more about this… I WOULD… if only I COULD… but I’m out of space so I WON’T…. another time? 

I’m DONE!

~~Lon Kieffer

Services

Lon Kieffer is a nationally known speaker, trainer and Consultant of Common Sense. As an expert in Workplace Culture Change and Generational Conflict he works with leaders who want to improve their workplace environment and create an atmosphere of team membership.

Lon is also a highly coveted "EnterTrainer" coupling his 20-year background in HealthCare management with his talents as a successful professional comedian to deliver CEU qualified ~~ Entertainment quality programs.

Book Lon

     To book Lon for your convention, sales meeting, retreat, employee appreciation event, or other important program please contact him personally at:

Telephone: (302) 462-6748 cell

Email: Lon@LonKieffer.com

Website: www.LonKieffer.com

Lon Kieffer,

RN, BSN, MBA, NHA
Six Sigma Green Belt

Speaker, Author, Consultant

10589 Wilkinson Drive
Seaford, DE 19973

Info@LonKieffer.com

1-888-GOOBERZ
(888-466-2379)

In This Issue

Feature Article:

SHOULD STATEMENTS

Services

Book_Lon

Quotes of Confidence

Win a Free T-shirt

Messages from

You:

"What fun!? He [Lon] was like a cross between Dr. Phil and Larry the Cable-guy. Sensitive and thought provoking but raw enough to make you want to listen."

~~ James Buckley

Constellation Energy Group

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You (Lon) are like the anecdote to blackberries!!  No one was checking email or texting while you were talking….” 

~~ Recent Attendee comment from an un-named participant of Hillsborough County (Florida) Health Department, “All Staff Day” Event

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lon Clip:

What Time is it?

Click to hear an excerpt from one of Lon's Speaking Engagements

Slide Excerpt:

From a Live!

Kieffer-the-Speaker

presentation:

A Variation of a

MUST STATEMENT:

Famous Quotes:

July's Topic:

Confidence

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.” 

~~ Eleanor Roosevelt,

First Lady of

The United States

from 1933 to 1945

(1184 – 1962)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Our remedies oft in ourselves do lie which we ascribe to heaven." 

 ~~ William Shakespeare

All’s Well That Ends Well

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not.” 

~~ Unknown

(which means

available for use)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“It ain’t what they call you (that matters);

it’s what you

answer to.” 

~~ W.C. Fields, Comedian, Actor

(1880 – 1946)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Whether you think you can or think you can’t –

you are right.” 

~~ Henry Ford

 Founder of

Ford Motor Co.

(1863 – 1947)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You largely construct your own (lack of confidence); it wasn’t given to you.  Therefore you can deconstruct (or rebuild) it.” 

~~ Albert Ellis, Ph.D. Founder of Albert Ellis Institute, widely recognized as one of the most influential psychologists of

all time

(1913 -  ???)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

R & R

(Everyone can use a few Reading Recommendations!)

A compilation of

short stories that embody the GOOBERS philosophy.

Who They Are.

Why They Clash.

How to Solve the Generational Puzzle

at Work

Soon-to-be-

Famous Quote:

“If you have no desire to build something and no confidence in yourself; the world will not give you a foundation and ask you to build your monument.” 

 ~~ Lon Kieffer,

Proud Father

and sometimes

Frustrated Leader

(1962 - )

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I laugh; therefore

I are."

~~ Lon Kieffer, wannabe Philosopher (according to William Horrace, PhD)

The

Get Out of Bed

and Go to Work!

Nugget of

the Month:

If you don’t know what time it is (or where you are going) then you are destined to

FLEE FAILURE not

 SEEK SUCCESS while running on the treadmill

of life.”