'When Generations Collide, Feelings Get Hurt'

.... So there I sat, late, in the car in front of the house early on a hazy summer morning pre-occupied with the mental calisthenics required to orchestrate a perfect meeting. A meeting that in some not so small way would determine my near term future ability to support my kids. There I sat.... waiting. Waiting for my daughter who had a summer vacation day ahead of her and needed a ride to the pool and SHE was running late which was the much bigger crisis in the family. I sat there tapping the steering wheel while listening to soft music that provided me tranquility and cleared my thoughts.

Out of the door she sprang and hopped into the car.

As she leaned in toward me I responded as if attracted magnetically by the pull of a father's love for his daughter... I leaned in to gather my obligatory peck on the check all the while reminded that this ritualistic peck is the mere remnant of what just a few short years ago was a full fledged, uninhibited, even sloppy, kiss. At the very last moment just as I was to receive my peck, my daughter's attention veered to the right as she reached forward and changed the station on the radio.

'Dad...' she said as I looked onward with a confused and hurt expression frozen on my face, '... let's go. I'm late!'

She then put the headphones of her iPod in her ears and sat back, no leaned back (as they say) and started to sing along with the music; 'roll with it' I believe is the term. And roll with it she did... she sang loudly and badly. The Apple indeed does not fall far from the tree.

At one point she hit a particularly bad note and I thought to myself... when and how did this happen? How did I end up driving places I don't want to go; listening to music I don't enjoy; spending money and time I don't have on things I don't value; and talking only to myself?

When and how did this happen? When did the inmates start running the asylum? When did the tail start wagging the dog? When and how did I end up standing at the time-clock at shift change thanking my co-workers for the most minimal and menial of tasks for which they are paid: for simply showing up at work?

But remember, as I advised in last month's newsletter, 'before you criticize the younger generation (employees) just remember who raised (trained) them.' My generation Y co-workers (1978 - 1985) and Millenials (1981 - 1999) are only doing what the Boomers (1946 - 1964) and Xers (1965 - 1980) trained them to do. So why the conflict when everyone is acting in exactly the way he or she would be expected to act?

The real reason is work is different than life and goals must be achieved, deadlines met, expectations exceeded, or we all fail in business. Well, first of all, they (the Y's and Millenials) don't know that YET because they have not YET been trained. It is the job of the Boomers and Xers to accept these behaviors rather than criticize them and focus on the objectives that are needed. These younger generations like to win and like to get positive feedback. Explaining the goals (in great detail sometimes and in small pieces along the way) rather than critiquing behavior is the path forward. But let's look at why we are here in the first place...

As kids the Y's and Millenials were treated to the co-dependant extremes that guilt-driven Boomer and Xer parents lavished upon them. In the busy work-a-day world of double incomes and an inflationary cost of living the Boomer and Xer parents opted to trade money for time. If they didn't have time, they could spend money and
purchase material possessions and then, when this didn't satisfy the pangs of parental nurturing these same parents could respond with an excessive commitment of time out of proportion to the level of achievement; that is, so long as the time 'commitment' is constrained by a well defined start and stop time well in advance. Why do you think we have gotten so out of balance with 'official' celebrations? Children today enjoy a graduation after pre-school, after kindergarten, grade school, and middle school and then high school; in sports we cheer their every achievement and have them run under the 'London bridges style' tunnel chute of congratulations when all your nine year old did was beat some other nine year old in a game of soccer. Boy, I would say the good old 'potty dance' certainly has grown up. By the time this generation entered the work force they were trained to receive constant and ONLY POSITIVE feedback; thus, you stand at the time clock thanking them for arriving JUST A FEW minutes late.

Remember, this does not mean they are lacking in work ethic. They are actually doing exactly what they were trained to do and just like on the Soccer field; they will perform so long as you sing and dance and have something positive to say. If all else fails... McDonald's on the way home will do.

'Before you criticize, remember who trained them.'

--Lon Kieffer